the truth.

Everyone has been asking me if i am still running now that i have graduated. the answer is yes.

i mean i have been running. just not nearly as much as i used to. i took a good month and a half break.

but no more.

once i started to see my body changing and atrophying i decided i needed to figure out my feelings towards running.

you see, i love the competition of running, i love running with people and the social part of it.

i don't love running just to run.

it makes me tired. haha.

but i am working on it. I am trying to just enjoy it, and enjoy the feeling of working out again.

i don't think i will every be what i once was, and i think that's okay, but it is honestly hard for me to accept, and then i just don't want to run.

i know people who can just never let it go, running and competing after college is more important to them than working or family, etc.

I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT!!

I also don't want to be out of shape.

so i am trying to find a balance.

so this week i have been waking up at 6:30 to run before work.

i have started out with 30 minutes, and now i am up to 45.

i want to get to the point of running an hour in the morning. that would suffice.

i also want to get to the point where i LOVE running because it is beautiful and feels amazing.

i want to not feel guilty if i miss a day of running.

and i want to explore other forms of exercise and activities.

i miss my team.

pardon my drool

I could not help myself.

i had to share these with the world.

i am in LOVE with these dishes.

they are perfect and lovely.

someday i will have these in a vintage glass cabinet.

and they shall be my dishes for hosting classy dinners where we all dress up and the women wear gloves and we speak in British accents. yes, those dishes will do the job perfectly.

weekend update!

This weekend was full of spiritual things and family. We had the chance to go to the brigham city temple open house with some good friends. it did not disappoint.

the temple is amazing.

Afterwards we went to this old 1960's diner called peach city. it was nom nom nom. here we are with our friendz. we do have some.

It was a good night.

The next morning we had breakfast with my cousins from hawaii. my little cousin is going to utah state this fall. this breakfast was a big deal for me because my side of the family is not close at all and i have always hated that. it was so refreshing to have a pleasant meal with a sweet family i am reltaed to.

the rest of the weekend was full of birthday dinners for Justin's fam on saturday and sunday. always a fun time with fun people.

Justin and i had the pleasure of speaking in our ward on sunday. By pleasure, i mean that i was having anxiety all week about it and pretty much had a nervous breakdown before church. but  no big deal. I spoke about member missionary work and how that was the main factor in my conversion.

I am so so so scared to talk in front of people. when i first got baptized i swear i had to speak at every ward/stake conference, missionary fireside, mission prep class, etc. i was super glad when that phase finally ended.

This week all my fears came back again. But all in all, i think it went pretty well, aside from the fact that i was not planning on crying, and i did. but justin said there were a bunch of people in the audience that were crying. i think that means it was a success.

Justin's talk was amazing of course. everything he touches always is. hopefully our kids get his genes.

Happy Monday!

whenever i want you, all i have to do is dream.

this week is definitly a week that i will not be sad to see end. i feel a little, a lot defeated. its just one of those weeks i guess. we all have them. i am just not the best at pretending its not one of those weeks.

one thing that is really good at cheering me up (other than J) is dreaming, making plans, thinking about adventures. even if i know they are in reality never going to happen, sometimes it is just enough to get me out of a slump, and if anything appreciate just how beautiful this world is.

this post is dedicated to some of my dreams.

Greece has always been a dream of mine.

Havasupai? Maybe next summer?

Senegal's Lake Retba, or as the French refer to it Lac Rose, is pinker than any milkshake. Experts say the lake gives off its pink hue due to cyanobacteria, a harmless halophilic bacteria found in the water. Lake Retba has a high salt content, much like that of the Dead Sea, allowing people to float effortlessly in the massive pink water.

Waterton, Canada. One of the prettiest places in all the land. this is on my to do list for the next few years.

Patagonia. It is a dream of mine to backpack through south america and hit up patagonia.

Redwoods. i have always wanted to go for a run through these trees. word on the street is they don't let you drive your car through that famous tree anymore. stupid government.

This is a picture of the milky way over lake titicaca in peru. my dream is to go to the bolivia side. someday.

While i am dreaming i really want this cat. i wouldn't mind cuddling with this cutie. :)

some people think dreams are stupid because they mean you aren't appreciating the present yada, yada, yada. but to me dreams are important because it gives me something to work towards and get excited about, they keep me going through the rough times.

what are your dreams?

life

my whole educational career i couldn't wait to graduate from college. now that i am here its a little disappointing. Probably partly due to the fact that my degree was pretty useless, vague and i don't know what to do with it. so now i am working a desk job that i defiantly don't want to be my life long job, but for now it's okay. i always avoid my old professors when i see them at the grocery store because i don't want them to think i am a failure because i am not in africa saving children and bringing food and clean water to the desolate continent!!!
I have always planned on staying home with my kids to raise them and watch them grow. i know it sounds really cliche but it has always been really important to me. both of my parents worked (my mom worked the most) as i was growing up and i was always at a daycare or babysitter and it really bothered me. i know my parents were trying to show their love for me by providing for me, but i have always felt our relationship was hurt by not having a closer bond at an early age.
so anyways, i have always planned on staying home with my kids. it wasn't until recently when i realized... wait, i am graduated, and i am not going to have kids for a while, so what do i do? add to that the fact that once my kids are all in school, that's a good chunk of the day where i will be alone. i don't want that, not being productive kind of drives me crazy. i have realized i do need to do something for myself in this life to feel like i am making some sort of difference (not that having kids isn't making a difference. it totally is). i have tossed around lot of ideas, hair school, masters degree (but in what?), CNA, drug dealer, etc. I still don't know what to do, but right now i am looking into being a paralegal. i can get my certificate in one semester at weber state, so when justin goes to nursing school, i could do that then hopefully get a decent paying job. i don't know. this is just what i decided this morning, and anyone who knows me knows how quickly my ideas change.
all you need to know is i am so confused right now about what i am supposed to be doing. my mother in law gave me really, really good advice (she dropped out of college after she got married because of pressures from other people and regrets it all the time) she told me the biggest thing is to not worry about what people think about what i am doing or want to do. just do what makes me happy. i like that a lot. it's so hard for me, but i have begun to realize that is truly the only way to be happy.
ciao.

Justin and i have had a pretty great summer considering how busy it has been. i always get excited for summer break and have a huge list in my head of all the awesome things i want to do. normally life just gets too busy for all those things to happen and this summer followed through in being super busy as well.

the entire summer i had been looking forward to one week... lake powell. this little peice of heaven is one of my favorites on earth. there's something amazing about not knowing what time it is or what day it is. just doing what you want whenever you want. eating when you are hungry, waking up and going to sleep whenever you feel like it. it felt good to not have cell phone reception or internet. i honestly just felt so content. it could have been just because i was in one of the most beautiful places on earth, but i think it was because the focus was on the moment we were all having and enjoying the people there. my in-laws and a couple other families rented a houseboat and they all had 4 wakeboarding boats and some jet skis. so as you can guess, it was a blast. vacations are seriously what i look forward to most in life. i am writting this from my desk at work. it kills me a little everyday to be couped up inside at a desk, but funtimes with people i love make it totally worth it.