pardon my drool

I could not help myself.

i had to share these with the world.

i am in LOVE with these dishes.

they are perfect and lovely.

someday i will have these in a vintage glass cabinet.

and they shall be my dishes for hosting classy dinners where we all dress up and the women wear gloves and we speak in British accents. yes, those dishes will do the job perfectly.

weekend update!

This weekend was full of spiritual things and family. We had the chance to go to the brigham city temple open house with some good friends. it did not disappoint.

the temple is amazing.

Afterwards we went to this old 1960's diner called peach city. it was nom nom nom. here we are with our friendz. we do have some.

It was a good night.

The next morning we had breakfast with my cousins from hawaii. my little cousin is going to utah state this fall. this breakfast was a big deal for me because my side of the family is not close at all and i have always hated that. it was so refreshing to have a pleasant meal with a sweet family i am reltaed to.

the rest of the weekend was full of birthday dinners for Justin's fam on saturday and sunday. always a fun time with fun people.

Justin and i had the pleasure of speaking in our ward on sunday. By pleasure, i mean that i was having anxiety all week about it and pretty much had a nervous breakdown before church. but  no big deal. I spoke about member missionary work and how that was the main factor in my conversion.

I am so so so scared to talk in front of people. when i first got baptized i swear i had to speak at every ward/stake conference, missionary fireside, mission prep class, etc. i was super glad when that phase finally ended.

This week all my fears came back again. But all in all, i think it went pretty well, aside from the fact that i was not planning on crying, and i did. but justin said there were a bunch of people in the audience that were crying. i think that means it was a success.

Justin's talk was amazing of course. everything he touches always is. hopefully our kids get his genes.

Happy Monday!

whenever i want you, all i have to do is dream.

this week is definitly a week that i will not be sad to see end. i feel a little, a lot defeated. its just one of those weeks i guess. we all have them. i am just not the best at pretending its not one of those weeks.

one thing that is really good at cheering me up (other than J) is dreaming, making plans, thinking about adventures. even if i know they are in reality never going to happen, sometimes it is just enough to get me out of a slump, and if anything appreciate just how beautiful this world is.

this post is dedicated to some of my dreams.

Greece has always been a dream of mine.

Havasupai? Maybe next summer?

Senegal's Lake Retba, or as the French refer to it Lac Rose, is pinker than any milkshake. Experts say the lake gives off its pink hue due to cyanobacteria, a harmless halophilic bacteria found in the water. Lake Retba has a high salt content, much like that of the Dead Sea, allowing people to float effortlessly in the massive pink water.

Waterton, Canada. One of the prettiest places in all the land. this is on my to do list for the next few years.

Patagonia. It is a dream of mine to backpack through south america and hit up patagonia.

Redwoods. i have always wanted to go for a run through these trees. word on the street is they don't let you drive your car through that famous tree anymore. stupid government.

This is a picture of the milky way over lake titicaca in peru. my dream is to go to the bolivia side. someday.

While i am dreaming i really want this cat. i wouldn't mind cuddling with this cutie. :)

some people think dreams are stupid because they mean you aren't appreciating the present yada, yada, yada. but to me dreams are important because it gives me something to work towards and get excited about, they keep me going through the rough times.

what are your dreams?

life

my whole educational career i couldn't wait to graduate from college. now that i am here its a little disappointing. Probably partly due to the fact that my degree was pretty useless, vague and i don't know what to do with it. so now i am working a desk job that i defiantly don't want to be my life long job, but for now it's okay. i always avoid my old professors when i see them at the grocery store because i don't want them to think i am a failure because i am not in africa saving children and bringing food and clean water to the desolate continent!!!
I have always planned on staying home with my kids to raise them and watch them grow. i know it sounds really cliche but it has always been really important to me. both of my parents worked (my mom worked the most) as i was growing up and i was always at a daycare or babysitter and it really bothered me. i know my parents were trying to show their love for me by providing for me, but i have always felt our relationship was hurt by not having a closer bond at an early age.
so anyways, i have always planned on staying home with my kids. it wasn't until recently when i realized... wait, i am graduated, and i am not going to have kids for a while, so what do i do? add to that the fact that once my kids are all in school, that's a good chunk of the day where i will be alone. i don't want that, not being productive kind of drives me crazy. i have realized i do need to do something for myself in this life to feel like i am making some sort of difference (not that having kids isn't making a difference. it totally is). i have tossed around lot of ideas, hair school, masters degree (but in what?), CNA, drug dealer, etc. I still don't know what to do, but right now i am looking into being a paralegal. i can get my certificate in one semester at weber state, so when justin goes to nursing school, i could do that then hopefully get a decent paying job. i don't know. this is just what i decided this morning, and anyone who knows me knows how quickly my ideas change.
all you need to know is i am so confused right now about what i am supposed to be doing. my mother in law gave me really, really good advice (she dropped out of college after she got married because of pressures from other people and regrets it all the time) she told me the biggest thing is to not worry about what people think about what i am doing or want to do. just do what makes me happy. i like that a lot. it's so hard for me, but i have begun to realize that is truly the only way to be happy.
ciao.

Justin and i have had a pretty great summer considering how busy it has been. i always get excited for summer break and have a huge list in my head of all the awesome things i want to do. normally life just gets too busy for all those things to happen and this summer followed through in being super busy as well.

the entire summer i had been looking forward to one week... lake powell. this little peice of heaven is one of my favorites on earth. there's something amazing about not knowing what time it is or what day it is. just doing what you want whenever you want. eating when you are hungry, waking up and going to sleep whenever you feel like it. it felt good to not have cell phone reception or internet. i honestly just felt so content. it could have been just because i was in one of the most beautiful places on earth, but i think it was because the focus was on the moment we were all having and enjoying the people there. my in-laws and a couple other families rented a houseboat and they all had 4 wakeboarding boats and some jet skis. so as you can guess, it was a blast. vacations are seriously what i look forward to most in life. i am writting this from my desk at work. it kills me a little everyday to be couped up inside at a desk, but funtimes with people i love make it totally worth it.

I had a very humbling experience this week. my husband and i ran the des news 10k. i was super pumped because i ran this once in high school and got second, but couldn't accept the $500 prize money because i was planning on running in college. so i swore to myself that i would run it when i graduated and makes some money. but then i got lazy, and didn't train very much, and never did speed work, and had too much fun during the summer.... so i started out in the front of the race... trying to stay in the top 3, but i got tired really quickly. my husband tried to "help" by pushing on my back and yelling at me to "catch up with those girls." i slapped his hand away and told him "NO, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!!! I DON'T CARE!!" he tried everything to motivate me in that race, he tried to make me angry, he tried being nice. none of it worked because it wasn't worth it to me anymore. i took off with one of my friends as she passed me and tried to stay with her, but after about a mile i stopped on a street corner and stood their until my husband caught up to me. he had been sick all week and i just felt like rather than running in my own pain and being miserable and hating my life, maybe we could run together and make it fun (running for fun is a whole new concept to me btw). so i waited for him and he caught up and was SO mad at me. i think he was mostly mad at me for giving up. everyone that i knew in that race passed me. EVERYONE: every high schooler i knew, every 45 year old mom, all of my old teammates. it was a humbling experience for sure. i know it sounds so so so dumb to people that it matters so much to me what other people think, but it does.


i want to run for fun. i want to run to stay in shape and to love it. i don't want to hate every step that i run and just count down the minutes till that's over. i don't know how to have fun with it anymore because it was always such a competition to me. i just wanted to win and winning was the most fun part. but now it doesn't matter and no one cares. and honestly i think it's just time for me to hang up the track spikes and enter a new chapter in my life. how can i find a healthy balance with something that i completely identified with before? i'm working on it.

but for now. here is a lovely feild by our house that we frolicked in this week. i love summer.

oh hey.

this article was awesome----> http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2105432-1,00.html

This is something that is very hard for me and i try to fight it everyday.  i don't know if i am an introvert or a very self concious person, but i think i am a combination of both. i have a constant fear of being judged and of people not liking me. often in social situations i will run to the bathroom just to take a deep breath and give myself a pep-talk about how i need to be outgoing.  other times i just completely shut down and don't talk much and just listen to other people talk, i feel the most comfortable with this, but other people think i am sad or angry or something so i feel pressure to be "outgoing" and "fun."
i think this article is awesome becasue it shows how both introverts and extroverts have strengths of their own. and in a society where i was always told to "speak up" and felt like i couldn't get ahead because i am not super talkative, it helps to know that i am not completely alone. i have been trying to manage my quiteness because i know it comes off as rude and arrogant. i remember when i was in school (it feels good to say that) that before every presentation i would always tell myself i would rather run 15 miles than give that 5 minute presentation. it's hard!! i want to be normal, cool, not self concious, friendly, and outgoing. any tips? i feel like i have been fighting this my whole life. do i just accept it? blah.